Book of Night with Moon
by dragonSpired48
Summary: The story of Inuyasha after Kagome found him is one we know. But what about his days long gone by? This fic follows Inuyasha from innocent child, through anguished adolescence, to his final moments being pinned to the tree.
1. Hanyou

Note from me: I must say the traditional opening to a first ever fan fic: "This is my first one! Please R&R!" coughs no really, please do. …This is my first ever published work! hyper! hyper! hyper! jumps around WHEE! I'd appreciate any criticism and even more I like praise. :-D. Also please tell me if you think I should try some lighter-hearted stuff, or if I should use more plot, or what! Thanks!

Note: _Italics_ indicate either thoughts, or, if in large chunks, the 'present day' feudal era setting. And when there is normal text in 'present day' stuff, that means thoughts, too. Or to stress certain words. You'll get it.

Chapter One: Hanyou

_The boy sat, his back against the rough tree bark, arms crossed behind his head. His eyelids were half closed over honey-brown, slitted dog pupils. Those eyes were fixed on the stars, which lay twinkling brightly over the mountains, the grassy terrain, and the heads of his sleeping companions around the campfire._

_Inuyasha was not often given to moments of remembrance. In fact, he preferred to block off memory as much as possible. _Think of now_, he told himself. The fire's light flickered over his face. _Now is a much brighter time_… A little of his gloominess lifted. _It was so peaceful, lying under the stars on a clear night with four steadfast companions– no, **friends**!_ His head spun at the thought– and a softly crackling fire. He had never been better off in his life._

_The thought astonished him. Yet it also drew unwanted memories…_

_Slowly, the half-closed eyes shut completely, and he fell into waking dreams: fragments of his past._

He was seven years old, and so small, forever seeing the underside of people's faces and having to strain his neck to see even that. Rarely would those faces in question lower themselves to him. Inuyasha was lower status-wise than a horse, and less useful. Even his young innocence grasped this…But not why it was so.

_Why_ then, would no one around him stoop to his level?

It made for lonely hours, sitting on the porch of his mother's house, feet swinging. Never did any visitor pay him kind attention, not once that he could remember. But today, his mother had sent him out the back door as a few dignified guests made their way toward her residence. "Go and play," she whispered, "and come back when they leave. It's all right, my little one." She had seemed worried…but then, she so often did, that he paid it little mind.

He was running down the dirt path between the village headman's house and the storage shed, mind solely on his tree by the riverside not far from there. There he would play with his ball, as he had done every day since his oka-san had handed it to him. It was his sole toy.

_In slow motion, Inuyasha watched his younger self's bare feet pound the dusty ground. The half-demon twitched in his sleep; this was one of his most clear memories from the time before his _'_modern' life, and one of the worst; but in dreams, what can one do?_

"Hey, hanyou!"

Inuyasha, clutching his toy, turned around with a small feeling of dread. It was a reasonable fear.

The headmaster's son Buru stood there, holding a bright glass bottle in his hand that he was idly tossing up and down. He was wearing a demon exterminator's mask, and had his hair tied like their came-of-age-boys had. Around him were four others, with pretend masks of cloth tied about their noses. Their eyes were bright, but not angry…Inuyasha felt a sliver of fear poke his belly. It was a game, and their games were the worst.

"Hanyou," said Buru, in a swaggeringly adult voice, "prepare to die. We are the bravest warriors of the Demon exterminator kind, and we are here to free the people of your evil presence." He dropped the falsely mature tone. "You're going down!"

He uncorked the bottle and waved it menacingly at Inuyasha, who stared. "Better run, hanyou. This stuff'll make sure you go to hell where you belong!" Someone behind the boy laughed. Inuyasha was torn. Run, and play along with their game? Stay, and get sick like the last time?

He ran, and with gleeful shouts the older boys started to chase him.

Inuyasha began to run with leaps and bounds, springing into the air and gliding for a few feet or so before springing up again. They wouldn't catch up with him!...he hoped.

But their game was well prepared, for with joyful yells of "Die, hanyou, die!" they took out children's bows and arrows, and shot them as they ran. The arrows fell pitifully short– _Inuyasha quivered in his sleep. He had especially little love of arrows shot at him, not after Kikyo…– _but all the same, little Inuyasha ran faster, his haori flapping madly behind him. All the while he kept a good hold on that ball; his long fingernails dug into its resilient sides.

Run. All he had ever done was run…

Suddenly, the half-demon's knees were weak. His head swam, and his nose ran as a powerful odor assailed it. "Ha!" shouted a boy– Karasu, the eldest boy, Inuyasha thought with despair– "that got him! Ota-san told me it would!" Instantly, the words brought a sharp understanding to Inuyasha. This was more than a game for fun. It was a game for life and death. It had _adults_ behind it.

He turned slowly around, eyes watering. The shimmery figures of five boys, advancing on him with triumph, appeared before him. They were near the river, and no one was around. _Oka-san_, thought Inuyasha desperately. The last time– and the time before, the time before that, and so on– his mother had come. But now he saw no familiar, sad face, smelled no pink kimono with gentle sandalwood scent. Nothing but his own fear, and the boys facing him.

"Now!" shouted Buru, and with delighted cries of "Demon! Begone!" and "Kill the hanyou!" they set upon him with kicks and fists.

Someone's nails dug into his cheek, and a sandaled foot connected with his gut. He balled up in pain. _Should've run! Should've run far and fast away where I'd be safe–_

"Thought you could run, neh?" said Karasu, laughing. "You can't outrun us, we know all your silly tricks."

Buru lifted the bottle he'd shown Inuyasha before high into the air. "Now, we end this," he said with the same pomp as before. Inuyasha's ear, pressed to the ground, could feel someone approaching. "Mama!" he tried to say. "Oka-san!" The kicking and punching stopped as soon as the boys noticed the approaching person. But a grown voice, a real adult's voice who was only vaguely familiar to Inuyasha, said, "Buru, be good now. And you boys, too."

"Hai, Ondori-sama," said the boys innocently. Inuyasha lay there for a moment, but he soon realized that no help was forthcoming. All he could think of was flight; and the moment he felt the footfalls retreat into the distance, he was up on his feet and sprinting with an unknown terror nipping his heels.

"Oh no you don't!" came a furious shout, and a ball full of powder whacked him between the shoulder blades. At once he dropped. It was like a lightning bolt spreading across his back, jolting and shocking him, numbing him. It spread through his body, and he lay still, gasping for breath and fighting the tears that always rose but had never been shed.

"Ha! The powder worked too. Anti-demon, you know. Hanyou, your days are over. Go back to hell from whence you came!" proclaimed Buru dramatically. He held the bright bottle– full of the same powder, Inuyasha could tell by the smell– over the prostrate half-boy.

"Any last words for the hanyou?" said Buru.

"Yeah. That's for putting a curse on my family's crops," said a boy, and kicked into Inuyasha's ribs. The half-demon bit back the groan that would have escaped him.

"Stupid hanyou. My brother is death-sick, and he did it!" Someone spat on him.

"Hanyou, you're a freak of nature. Hell! Send him to hell!"

They were in a frenzy now, and some other children's footsteps pounded into the ground– Inuyasha could hear them running over to look and mutter.

Someone said, "Hey! He's the one who killed our sister, onee-sama!" and a girl started to cry.

Another girl bossily said, "Why don't you just kill it now? Stop dragging it out."

"…freaky, isn't it…"

"…half of a _demon_…"

Their voices drifted in and out of his ears.

_Neither one nor the other…_

"…kill it! So it gets what it deserves!" screamed the crying girl.

_Never to fit in…_

"Goodbye, hanyou!" pronounced Buru, holding aloft the bottle of white powder.

"…Unless I make a place!" Inuyasha shouted.

He was on his feet. The toy ball lay in the dust of the ground.

"Ho, wanna fight, hanyou?" said Buru. But he looked rather surprised.

Inuyasha bared his teeth, letting the morning light glint off his fangs.

"It's _Inuyasha_, human!"

Buru pulled back a fist, an angry look replacing the fun-and-games one he'd had before. He glanced around him, and, seeing that he had support, launched himself at Inuyasha, who was totally unprepared.

The fist found his cheek and drove the flesh right onto his own fang. Blood flooded his mouth as the second punch found his eye. He did notice one thing, through the pain: Buru was fighting him as he might fight an equal. As he might fight another competitor in a fighting contest. Real punches. Real moves. And though it meant actually getting _hurt_, Inuyasha found the knowledge almost pleasing.

Then Buru's closest friend, Karasu, leapt in. He grabbed Inuyasha's arm and twisted it savagely. The half-demon could _feel_ the bruises rising under his skin. He spat out blood into Buru's face, and the boy screamed and wiped it off. "It got its blood on me!"

"Dirty blood!" shouted another boy, who looked disgusted– and frightened. The whole group of children, about ten of them in all, suddenly blanched and cast horrified looks at one another. Karasu released Inuyasha and stepped away, repulsed, and even Buru looked blank.

The half-demon sank to his knees. He was shaking. The boys were mostly older then him, their pudgy youth given way to hardened muscle from working rice fields. One hand found his upper shoulder tendon and massaged it. It _hurt_. They had never hurt him like this.

A silence fell. A bird twittered loudly into the silence.

Blood from his split lip dripped onto the dusty ground, making no sound. Everybody saw it; everybody shuddered.

Half of Inuyasha's mind was suddenly whirring, as he slowly started to realize _why_ his existence had so far been so miserable. The other half was filled with pain and confusion ­–and anger.

Karasu took a hesitant step forward. In one hand he held a blade, the mark of a new young adult– he was the oldest boy-not-yet-a-man in the village, after all. It was used for cutting weeds from the ground– but there were other uses, too.

He jumped forward, slashing downward. Inuyasha jumped a spilt second too late, wits lulled by the sudden stillness of only moments before. But no sooner did a spurt of blood fly from his arm where the knife had clipped it, did a pack of boys rush forward, shouting. Girls squealed and littler boys yelled, both in fear and excitement.

Inuyasha crouched on the ground. B-bmp b-bmp b-bmp his heart sang. Blood pounded in his ears, dripped from his lip, snaked down his homemade haori of red-dyed cotton, seeping in. His mind was full of tormented emotions, twisting like knives. Buru sprang to the front of his thoughts. The boy was charging at him…a look of intentness on his features, fist flying forward–

But Inuyasha was in the air before he could release the punch. Instinctively his hand went out, fingers cocked so that his nails gleamed and shone dangerously. But of course, Buru had no time to admire. The nails were sunk deep in the skin of his arm before he could.

Buru stared into Inuyasha's amber eyes, inches from his own.

"Ah!" he screamed. But Inuyasha's eyes were narrowed, teeth still gritted. His hand dug in deeper, and rivulets of blood splatted from the wounds in Buru's arms.

"Ah!" Buru again shouted, and all those around the two came out of their shocked, frozen state.

"Kill it!" they shouted, and there was no playful gleam to their eyes now. Now, they were the self-righteous, and in desperation to protect Buru's life­– since they believed it needed saving– they rushed forward. But there was just as much fury in Inuyasha's eyes.

"Watch it!" the half-demon shouted. "Leave me ALONE! Or I'll do this–!" He wrenched his claws free of his former tormentor, and raked the face of the nearest boy. Blood ran down his hand. His mouth was neither smiling nor frowning, but clenched tightly. He felt no happiness, only a gut-wrenching spiral of sorrow and confusion and fear and anger.

He leapt like a cat for the cluster of boys, still moving toward him. They had ignored his ultimatum, rising to defend their fallen. He felt flesh meet claws, skin punctured by nails. His arm tensed and swept about him, casting the boys in all directions but touching none. He saw Karasu rise up, hatred flaring in his face. Inuyasha sprang away from him, but the older boy fell on him, striking with the knife.

Inuyasha was starting to panic now. _I have to end this! I have to make sure I get away! I can't let them hurt me. I _have_ to hurt them!_

Inuyasha punched the boy, letting his fist remain open, and the nails caught the boy's chest and tore it.

Karasu screamed, staring down at the tatters of his shirt, stained with his own blood. Inuyasha snarled. "There's more where that came from!" He raised a clawed, clenched hand in warning. In truth, he was shaking so much and his stomach was so reviled by all the blood he had caused that he wanted to pass out and never wake up. He didn't think he could stand a second longer, but he made his knees stay straight. The dog-demon's eyes never wavered from Karasu's, and he forced himself to be conscious. _Don't look away. Scare him. Then this can all be over!_ Kami, how he wanted it to be over… Finally Karasu broke. He stumbled backwards, clutching his chest. The other children followed, horror and sadness written on their features. A few glared back at the lone, bloody hanyou; most stumbled away, toward the village, in tense yet humbled silence. For a brief second Inuyasha felt triumph. It faded, leaving him with the ache of relief that washed over him like a blessed wind.

His ears caught the sounds of villagers, approaching from the other direction. The group of subdued children, supporting the injured, had met a group of adults, their figures blurred by the weak afternoon sun.

"AUGH! Look what it's done!"

"I told you the demon was dangerous!"

"Buru! Honto! Karasu!" Inuyasha watched passively as a group of women and men hustled the children toward the huts below.

"Get it _out of here!_" They had seen him! His mind was numb. He couldn't move–

Adults were swarming around him. Some grabbed him with hands like iron bands. "Take it away!"

"My child!"

"_Kill it!_"

Inuyasha's relief became fear. Whatever the boys had meant to do to him, the grown-ups would do, without bluffing or posturing. Without hesitation or play. He could feel it in the way they gripped his sore arms that there would be no mercy.

"_No_!"

The half-demon twisted his head about, looking. "Mother!"

Then she was there, trying to snatch him from the arms of his captors. But they were farmers, and their arms were strong.

"Miss, best ye keep back!"

"No!" she cried again. Her sandalwood smell calmed him, but there was terror in her eyes. "You can't hurt him! You must have seen what those boys were doing!"

"Eh, they had the right idea!" someone spat, but Inuyasha was released. He fled into her safety. "Look what _he's_ done!"

Inuyasha looked. Buru was bloody, blood streaked over his arm and chest. Karasu was no better, and his shirt was ragged and blood-soaked. The other boys had a mass of scratches on their face and shoulders. They looked stunned as women hurried them toward the village.

He buried his face in the soft silk kimono and squinched his eyes shut tight. Thoughts of what had just happened flicked past on the insides of his eyes. He gritted his teeth to keep from crying. He was lost, he was confused, he was hurt and angry and frightened– He forced trembling lips apart in a smile. _At least they won't be back to hurt you, neh? At least I got the message through their stupid heads._

"Look at it," shouted a rough-faced farmer. "It's laughing! The hanyou beast is laughing!"

"_My name is Inuyasha_," snarled Inuyasha, tearing himself from his mother's arms to face the speaker. Hanyou? Hanyou! Why _always_ the "_hanyou"?_

The man made the sign against evil, fear stark on his face. His eyes were fixed on Inuyasha's hands…bloodied and clenched. "K-Keep away, demon!"

_Heh. Scared now, are we?_ No more "hanyou". The farmer called him a Youkai. A demon_. I will be a demon someday, won't I? I won't be a hanyou forever, will I?_ Tai-youkai, great lord-demons– they commanded respect. A hazy image came to mind of a father, a dog-demon, a tai-youkai, a commanding presence. It faded, leaving the boy only with a sense of destiny that sparked in his eye. _I _will_ be a demon. And no one can lay a hand on a tai-youkai and live to say so._

"Inuyasha…!" pleaded his mother, trembling, arms outstretched. "Stop making trouble, come back home."

"No more." An old woman pushed her way through the throng of people. "No more home for you here, youkai-wench!"

"_Hai!_" came shouts from the crowd. "Send her and her brood away! Let them die in the forest! Get her out of here! Demon-whore! Spawn of evil!"

"…and never come back!" said the old woman, her firmness etched in every line of her face.

Inuyasha's fiery look slid off his face like water off a leaf.

His mother shook even harder, and tears spilled from her eyes.

"Oka-san, don't cry!" whimpered Inuyasha, suddenly terrified.

"Stay," continued the old woman in a sudden dead silence, "and we'll kill your offspring…and yourself."

Inuyasha's mother seemed on the verge of bursting into tears. She picked herself up, and, sobbing slightly, grabbed Inuyasha's bloody hand and walked stiffly down the dirt path towards the village. He could feel how tense and trembling her body was, how the inheld cries wracked her, and he felt a mighty nameless fear.

They strode past the river and over a small bridge, and into the courtyard of the great-house. There she tucked him into her arms, and rocked back and forth, sobbing, as in the distance, the group of angry villagers followed in their path.

Key to some Japanese terms:

Arigato: thank you…Buru: rooster…Karasu: I think it means chicken?…youkai: demon…tai-youkai: great/chief demon…onee-sama: older sister…Kami: god…

Sorry! Long chapter. Fgur.

Inuyasha's theme song for the beginning of this chapter: "No day but today" from Rent.

A/N: life in feudal times, I imagine, was super-tough, making kids have to act older than they are. That's my explanation for those kids' actions. 

By the way, this entire fanfic is based on the premise introduced (oh, don't that sound FORMAL? .) in manga _volume 12_. I think the episode is in the 30s. It's right after the Jinenji scene, where Inuyasha says "I thought the only way was to carve out a place of my own. By force. And by the time I knew what was happening, I was all alone." (that's from memory not a real quote) I dedicate this fic to Kagome's response: "But you have friends now. You're not alone anymore." (again, not a real quote)

Luvs! Thanks for reading!


	2. Taiyoukai and threehead

**Disclaimer**: As much as I hate to say it, I don't own Inu Yasha. Mleh.

Please read and review. Hope you like it!…

Minor changes to this chapter. A big shout out to all those who reviewed! I kinda don't have Internet right now so I can't look and see who reviewed but I love you all!

• • •

_Still deep in sleep, Inuyasha's teeth ground together. One of his fangs found his lip and cut it, and he bolted upright, whacking his head on the tree branch above. Stifling a yelp, he rubbed his head and glared at the tree. He settled back and looked at the fire, scowling. It had sunk to a few dying embers, and the snores of the others were lost in the darkness. His eyes were stinging, and he savored the blood from his lip to help shove the pestering thoughts away, cursing at it to make himself feel better. He held his claws up to the flickering light. Long nails, yes…strange leaping motion, yes. Demon powers, yes. Ears, eyes, hair, teeth…they all gave him away, shining beacons of _otherness_… _

_He tugged an ear, then sighed. His mother had often held him close, her heart beating fast, tears wetting his hair. He knew _now_–he had been so confused about her fears when he was just a youngling– that she had worried over him. She had taken away his haori of cotton and replaced it with the fire rat one she had labored over many hours in the new village they had fled to after…after _that_ happened. _

"What is it?"

"The fur of a fire-rat, Inuyasha Now, when you run into trouble, you will be protected. Your mother made this, Inuyasha. My love for you lies in it. And you can always wear my protection."

_The memories were vague, sometimes. Only in dreams were they really clear, but he forgot them as soon as he woke up._

_He glanced at Kagome's firelit face, then back to the stars. If only I could tell someone, he thought, the weight of that long-ago grief heavy on him. He could still faintly remember the jeers of the boys, the stinging powder and names they had thrown at him._ Hanyou._ He sneered. He could still recall his first taste of blood under his claws! The sneer died. It had been the beginning of a bloody road…His eyes closed, and he found himself in the middle of his early years once again. But this time, it was night._

Inuyasha ran desperately into the forest, the trees whacking him and he foraged blindly through the dense growth. _Oka-san! OKA-SAN! _His mind screamed.

Of all the times he'd been on verge of tears in the past, this was the closest he'd come. The tears wobbled on his eyelashes but refused to spill. The salt and bitterness stung his throat and eyes, blurring the world in front of him.

He was alone.

Truly alone, for the first time.

His mother was gone; and of course, his father was long dead. No shadow of hope in his own blood, his own family. Only a mention of a brother from oka-san, and where _he_ was, only Kami knew. There was no hope…

A hole in his mind, his heart, his being, a hole where a lady in a pink kimono had sat, wept and sewed fire-rat haoris, sang him songs and held him close, a lady who smelled of tears and love and sandalwood and soap and starlight…

The sight of his mother's dead face came sharply at him. He threw himself to the leaf-covered ground, eyes squinched shut. _Don't think of it. It's behind. Don't think…_ he forced his thoughts into nothingness. Loss and grief was impressed all over him, and it weighed him down, smothering his thoughts, crushing his ribs over his heart. It was too easy to lose himself into endless night within his mind.

His eyes snapped open.

A crackling sound, from behind him…in the darkness of the trees…

He leapt up and whirled about, gasping as he saw…

A horrible monster! Three scaly heads with six eyes each, connected by stubby necks to a rooster's body!

"Ahh!" he gasped. His sensitive nose quivered at the foul stench of death rolling from the creature's scaly hide.

"Heh…a miserable hanyou. Feh. I was hoping for a real Youkai." Muttered one head.

"Hey, hey! At least we found him." Rebuked the middle head.

"_Who_ found him! The hanyou belongs to _me_," snapped the last head.

"In any case, we've no choice. Eat him."

"Right," said all three.

Inuyasha stood still. "You're a youkai?" Had he ever seen a youkai this closely before? Youkai. Youkai, like his father? His mind reeled.

"The brat wishes to talk!" laughed the demon. "Well-ll-ll, brothers, shall we indulge? A lowly hanyou!"

Inuyasha's heart was pumping fast. In-held tears still blurred his sight, but he scrubbed at his eyes impatiently. "H-hey…"

"We needn't waste our breath!" snarled the middle head. "Eat it!"

The monster darted forward so unexpectedly that Inuyasha leapt to the side only just in time. His haori gave a horrible _snip_ sound, and the rooster-monster stopped, the middle head licking from its hooked beak a trace of Inuyasha's blood.

"Why!" it said maliciously. "The blood…"

"Yes!" laughed the middle head. "The related blood of that mortal woman! What do you know…hanyou, we've had the pleasure of meeting your mother…or should I say eating her! Care to join–"

The middle head was suddenly gone in a wash of blood and bone.

Inuyasha grasped the dying head in his hands, and crushed it. His teeth were bared, eyes narrowed, a snarl on his lips.

"Nooooooo!" cried the two outer heads, shocked. "Midoru-san!"

"You will pay, worthless Halfling!" roared the two remaining heads at once. Their eyes glowed deep red, and horrible spines forced themselves out from under the skin. The middle head's stump swayed and crumpled onto the monster's spiny back. Inuyasha stumbled backward, but his fists were up. The monster reared for an attack.

"So."

It was a cold, casual voice, deep and utterly smooth.

"I find you here, ill-gotten offspring that you are."

The half-demon spun about, and the two Youkai heads whipped around to look. Standing between two tall trees, against a background of shadow, was a young man with silver hair and in a white cloak, illuminated by the full moon's light. His lips curled below a finely pointed nose and a pair of emotionless tawny eyes. A crescent moon was somehow etched onto his forehead, half-covered by silver bangs. Inuyasha stared. And yet…was this a man? His ears were pointed, and jagged stripes were on his cheeks.

Inuyasha's eyes darted to the man's hand, which lay resting on his furry boa, draped elegantly over a shoulder. Claws!

His eyes opened wide, shining with joy; his mouth opened in excited surprise. "Sesshomaru-sama, elder brother!"

The eyes narrowed in anger. "So you know of me then? I would have you know that we are but half-brothers, hanyou. I would never have anything to do with a lowly mortal woman like your mother."

Something deflated inside Inuyasha…his dreams, his imaginings of his older brother crushed as he struggled against that word…_hanyou_…and the condescending tone in the man –no, the demon– 's voice. "Yes, my oka-san told me of you…" he said, unsure. Years of dreams for his reunion with his half-brother were still clinging to him.

"My sire has wasted his precious demon life on your bitch-dam, little fool!" snarled Sesshomaru, and for the first time, a catch in his voice appeared. "Thanks to you and she, this Sesshomaru's father has gone to hell where my mother is, and yours will soon be!"

"And I hope the same for you too!" Inuyasha snapped, temper rising despite his fear. Immediately the look in the elder demon's eyes became a fury tempered with a calculating glare.

The rooster monster, quite forgotten and eagerly following the dialogue, realized who this young demon-man must be. With a whimper of fright it tried to slip away.

Sesshomaru's glitteringly cold eyes snapped to it at once. "Useless beast, begone!" he said haughtily, and with a wave of his long-fingered hand, a glowing twist of light appeared. As Inuyasha gazed in awe, the whip of light gave a crack, and the rooster flew into two pieces. Blood sizzled on the bark of a nearby tree.

"Wow," said Inuyasha, eyes fixed on his elder brother's face and a look of respect and some confusion on his own face. "Thank y–"

"Consorting with low demons, are we?" Sesshomaru commented in a low voice, staring at the rooster-youkai's remains. "Imagine, that low-class youkai able to feel superior to a relation of _mine_. Disgusting. You shame your father's name. Well, that's one pitifully-low demon down. Now it's your turn."

• • •

Well that's another chapter down. Some clarifications in there in brief insertions. Aren't you proud of me? I made them _brief_! beams with pride


	3. My dreams are mine

This chapter remains the same. Skip if you've been here before. If not, why not read on, neh? NEH!? Oo

**Disclaimer**: I own eps 1-150 and 3 movies in Japanese. I own five manga. I just wanted to brag.

--

The turn of events so shocked Inuyasha that he staggered backwards into a tree. _ "What!?"_

"Yes, I think this'll do you quite well. Goodbye, hanyou. Oh– wait. Tell me your name. I must know before I send you down to my father."

"Inuyasha..._bastard_!" snarled the half-demon. His ears were pricked, and though his temper was raging inside, he felt he might have made a huge mistake.

Sesshomaru's face darkened. "Go to where you belong, hanyou!" He started to form a whip of green-blue light in his clawed hand, when suddenly–

"Wooooooooooooo!" came a high, mournful call. It sent chills up Inuyasha's spine. He shivered, eyes wide and fixed on Sesshomaru. The whip's formation had stopped; it broke into little splinters of light. "More inu-taisho about tonight, eh?" whispered Sesshomaru, his body stiff and head turning toward the sound.

"Live for today, hanyou half-brother," came Sesshomaru's voice as the demon sped from the trees and out of sight.

Inuyasha remained a motionless statue for a moment.

Then he crumpled onto his knees, breathing hard. Gasps almost like sobs tore themselves from his throat, and though he wished for tears to relieve his pain, none came. His clawed hand gripped his chest, clutching as he struggled to make sense of the last two hours.

Mother. Gone out of this life...somewhere far behind him, lying amongst the bodies of villagers and slain demons...

Father. A demon, long dead; an inu-taisho that oka-san had only mentioned when at her most mellow and nostalgic. Father, a figure never entered in Inuyasha's twelve years of life, a mysterious presence.

Sesshomaru. A horrible reality... who was trying to kill him?! A brother– well, half-brother– whose eyes were icy and haughty, and whose bearing was regal. Inuyasha couldn't help but admire him– and fear him.

_Inuyasha saw the crumpled figure of his younger self among the dark trees for a moment longer. Then Kagome abruptly sat up. "Inuyasha...are you all right?" and he jerked to consciousness. "What?" he snarled. "Of course I'm all right! I'm always all right!" Then he shook his head and cleared it...and remembered who he was talking to. "Oh. Yes. I am. I was dreaming..."_

_"I thought so," she whispered. Her eyes were faintly visible in the dim firelight. "You were saying something, and it sounded so sad...I thought maybe–"_

_"Don't ask," snarled Inuyasha. "You always want to know my dreams, but they're _mine."

"_'Scuze me for worrying," she said haughtily after a pause. Instantly Inuyasha's heart sank. _Say sorry,_ his mind whispered encouragingly. For some reason, he thought of his mother, her arms around him. "Kagome, I..."_

_"No, don't bother. I'm going back to sleep," she said, giving him a _look_, then turning the other way and laying back down._

_Inuyasha sighed and inwardly cursed himself, half-heartedly._


	4. The First Kill

**Disclaimer: like I said, I don't own Inuyasha. Rrg. BUT!!! I do now own eps 1-150 on DVD! YESSS!! does a wild dance Could happiness be any more complete?!? (sigh of loooove) OMG OMG! Can't believe it, I own it! Yeaya!tears of joy**

That disclaimer was written right after I got my beautiful DVDs. They are my babies.

On to chapter 4. No changes here----

The first night alone was the worst...and so was the second night...and the third...

Sesshomaru didn't come back. Inuyasha was almost sorry for it.

The woods didn't frighten him after that first night, spent in shock. No, the trees were his mother's arms now, his replacement place of safety. They knew him. They welcomed him...

Unlike anyone else he encountered.

_Humans_, traveling the forest paths they at first exclaimed and coaxed him forward with words of sorrow, crying out, "who would abandon such an innocent child in these dangerous trails!" Until, that is, they noticed the ears and claws as he came forward, tempted by the human presences. "Demon!" they shrieked, and curious children fled instantly, and women grabbed their low-grade demon spells to throw at him, and men brandished weapons, fearing for their family's safety. Inuyasha, again and again denied the promise of companionship, would stumble away into the darkness of the trees, and the humans would hurry onward, throwing nervous glances back at him until they disappeared from view.

_Demons_, crawling through the underbrush they mocked him. He was small, and only twelve years old; a measly sliver of an age, they thought, and attempted to eat him to enhance their own powers.But they couldn't resist a little round of "half-demon baiting" first. They would see him, stop in their tracks, and laugh at him, calling him worthless and hardly worth the effort to digest. They slapped the names "hanyou" and "halfbreed" and "dirty-blood cross" on him whenever they could. The names stung even more than their claws or teeth, when these managed to find his skin. But he could outrun most of them.

Otoshiana was the demon Inuyasha first slew.

Inuyasha was chasing rabbits for the second time that day. Earlier, he'd caught one, held it squirming for a moment, indecisive, then ripped its head off– a quick death. Or it would have been, except that he was so hesitating to do the deed that he had broken its neck first. Horrified, he still had eaten the creature's still-warm flesh raw. That had been eight hours ago, and now his stomach growled. His claws snatched at whatever moved, hoping to find furry flesh.

However, this particular time, claws met spines.

He leapt back, hand burning and stinging. A demon rose up from the bush and crushed the spot he had been a moment before, dust flying up and sending birds fleeing, so quickly that it was as though a demon had appeared from nowhere.

It was long and flat, made for hiding under bushes and ambushing what came along. Four fangs jutted from its eight-eyed head, and spines clustered on its neck. It was hideous. Worse, a netting of woven sticky-web fell upon the prone boy, shaken from its position above by the emerging demon.

"The trap always works," it cried in a grating voice. Then it hesitated. "Not a human? What's this?" It stuck it's head out to sniff him. Oversized nostrils whiffed at him. "Half demon blood!"

Inuyasha was trembling. His hands were completely bound to his sides by the sticky-web.

"Well, I've heard those cause indigestion," pondered the monster, seeming to think about this. "Hmm." It extended a long, spindly forefinger and poked the skin of the hanyou's neck. A drop of blood welled up.

"Gah," Inuyasha cried as the skin began to sting and redden.

The creature's long, thin tongue lapped up the droplet. "Hmm. Hmm." It weighed the matter seriously before pronouncing crossly, "I'd have to set the web up again. Peh. We'll see if perhaps some demon will be willing to take him in exchange for some real food–"greenish saliva dripped from the jaws of Otoshiana ('Trap'). "Mmm. Perhaps a tender half-inu-pup will tempt their stomachs– well, you're not so different from an inu-youkai, come to think of it. Others might be willing to have you, if they've no standards."

Inuyasha struggled against the bonds, breaking from his trembling spell and thrashing wildly.

"Peh. Struggle as much as you like, stinker. That web was made by me, Otoshiana, and not one has escaped from it yet!"

All at once there was a commotion above, and in dropped a large bird youkai. "Otoshiana, what have you got there?"

Otoshiana bristled at the rude tone in the newcomer's voice. However, the new youkai was a large, fang-beaked bird, with talons on the tips of its wings and eight orange-tinged eyes. Clearly it was of higher rank than the low forest crawling-demon. Claws the size of Inuyasha's head dug into the ground as the bird stared at the trapped half-demon.

"A halfie, eh? Now, why would you want something so worthless on your claws?" it said in a very smooth, persuading voice. "Give him to me, Otoshiana, and you won't regret it."

"What–"

"I love the interesting taste of hanyou, Otoshiana. But they're so rare these days...demons hate to muss their claws with weak mortal women...unless it's that time of decade for the tai-youkai, you know.

"Tell you what. You remove all that...web...and I will be back at sunset. Then you can see what I have for you in exchange for this treat."

"No deal," grated the lizardlike Otoshiana, still clearly nervous. "You tell me what–"

A bird claw was around the youkai's throat before Inuyasha could have said rabbit. Inuyasha watched with horrified fascination. The bird was almost glowing with his own confidence and self-importance.

"Gai, master of these skies, does not owe you answers. Give me it without that dirty wrapping of yours...and I might let you live." With a screech, it flapped its wings and pulled into the sky, soon disappearing over the treetops.

Small snickers were heard from the trees. Furious, Otoshiana turned on them; but they were hiding out of sight, small and insignificant and not worth his time. He was mostly all talk anyway... And the small low demons who inhabited the area near him, to wait for the leftovers, knew it. They were all gloating at his humiliation...they would gossip to the other demons...Inuyasha saw the furious and mortified look on the ugly face.

It slithered over to Inuyasha, and began muttering as it began to pick at the sticky-web with its teeth, careful not to touch the hanyou.

"Peh! Baka bird. Gai-sama thinks he's so great..." Yet even in his anger, the trapper did not dare leave the honorific off the bird's name.

Inuyasha was long over his trembling. He could fight this monster. He could win, he was sure of it!

"What's that look on your face?" snarled Otoshiana. "You dare to look with that contempt at _me_?"

Inuyasha outright laughed, determined to shame Otoshiana into the ground even more. "I'm not afraid of you!" he shouted, quelling the tremors deep inside by yelling.

The laughs from the demons in the bushes seemed to quiver over the scaly skin. Inuyasha watched this, making sure to have a cold, amused look in his eye– suddenly his air was cut off.

"Hanyou basssstard!" hissed the youkai. "If it weren't for Gai-sama..." The narrow fingers were wrapped around his throat.

The lesser demons sprang out, nipping at Otoshiana, sensing his weakness. Inuyasha observed this with intensity, looking nonchalant. Otoshiana released him, and he fell. The snakey demon beat the others off, sending bodies to litter the ground, and the laughing voices retreated. By now the red hot fury and embarrassment was almost coloring the demon's reptilian face.

"You!" he snarled at Inuyasha was so much vehemence in his voice that it sent him stumbling back. "I can tell who you are! Your mother was _human!_ You worthless stinking piece of hide...your mother was a bitch, and your father...your father, an inu-taisho–wasn't he?–, took her in his heat! He cared nothing for her, cast her and you aside like old prey's bones! You scum, you worthless...you halfblood...your _flesh with be mine!_" he screamed, and struck, hissing, with fangs bared.

Inuyasha tried to dodge in his confines; luckily the web stretched enough for the fangs to miss him completely. _Mother only a bitch...father cared nothing for her...cast me aside_...All the things he sometimes sadly wondered about were thrown back at him; Otoshiana was more than a food-trapper. He trapped his victims into believing his words...Inuyasha felt a great hatred rising..._what if it IS true?I'll KILL HIM!_ _Am I talking about this piece of slime...or my father...?_

"Kuso!" swore the demon. It seemed to be recalling Gai and the hunger with which he'd looked at Inuyasha. Inuyasha himself recalled it too. For a moment, he almost gave in to fear again...no! _Think of it like this. You will kill this demon, escape; and Gai, that bird-bag, can come and starve!_

"You bastard," it hissed again. It couldn't attack him, not physically. It had to settle with...

"Your father took your mother! He cast her down and ravaged her!" it screamed, inventing details. "You misbegotten scum, conceived by accident. Your mother hated you. It was your fault that he killed her! She's dead, isn't she? It's your fault, bastard! Oh, doesn't it hurt! Yes! Yes! And your father was a savage bastard with face as ugly as hell! And you are a puny, weak, dirty-blooded hanyou! NOT FIT TO DIGEST! NOT FIT TO LIVE! NOT MEANT TO LI– _augh!_"

Inuyasha's bonds had suddenly burst. His scream reverbrated into the air. "DIE, YOUKAI BASTARD!" His claws sent a spurt of blood into the air. It fell like pattering feet on the foresty floor.

He stood there, blood soaking onto the haori­– the second-to-last remnant he had of his mother, besides memories– growling with savage abandon. "You will die for what you've said. YOU'RE THE WEAKLING!" His hand went stiff, claws extended, and the cry burst from his throat:

"SANKON TESSOU!"

Golden light in jagged streaks followed his hand as he sprang forward, arching high into the air and landing to rend, to rip and tear, and kill...

Otoshiana keened, a high and piercing sound, as half his face was ripped away in the unexpected attack. He recoiled, then snarled, darting forward to sink a fang into the hanyou's arm. Inuyasha spat, then sank his free arm's claw deep into the head of Otoshiana. The monster writhed, screaming fierce insults and half crushing him with its great body.

Then all was still.

Inuyasha lay, breathing hard, as blood slowly seeped from himself to the leaves of the ground.

He clenched the bloody limb with the other hand. "Ugh..."

He staggered as far from the demon's body as he could. He had lost too much blood...though strangely enough, the wound felt as though it were healing...

He climbed painfully up a tree, crying out as he reached with his wounded arm. At last he found a tree branch, and fell deeply asleep.


	5. Lost and Found

Read please! Arigato gozaimasu! bows

Disclaimer: Don't own Inu. Nope. I'll let others take the creative disclaimers.

Reviewers! It's thanks to you I'm putting this chap up now because I wanted to be able to thank you. I love seeing those in my inbox, they make crp days good. And believe me I've had a lot of those days. Cigarettesbad for your health. Inuyashagreat for the soul, the artist, the TV watcher, the happy person --but bad for the homework. Anyways thanks reviewers. Especially

Halfdemon-gurl15: you are my most consistent reviewer! I love u! Thankyouthankyou

Wolfblitz: it makes me feel good to hear someone say "next chapter"!

Desy: you are sooo sweet! Thanks!

BoscoFaith1: all that praise **swoons** thanks!

WaKoWiThNoLiFe: yeehee! Thank you sooo much for coming back

And thank you Elconquisador (thanks!), ArtificialRed (it means a lot to me to hear your praise, seriously!), Azmidiske (awww thanks!), kaggerz (thanks! And how do you read these during school!) and damson rhee (thanks!)

Yes I am sucking up :-P. But I would love for you or others to review. Like tell me if my stories are so boring that you would rather do your homework. - I totally understand if you would because I think I blab a lot. Please tell moi! hugs

• •

Note: Tomo is both the name of Kenshin's first love from _rurouni Kenshin_ and also means 'friend.'

Chapter Five: Lost and Found

He woke up with nothing on his mind. It was like a fuzzy blanket had settled there. Only when he moved his shoulder and felt the buzzing pain there did he really become awake. His eyes opened, but it was night. He couldn't see anything…and he normally had such good eyesight. There was no moon, and he could only guess at what the wound looked like. He could vaguely feel that he was on the ground, sticks and leaves beneath him. Had he fallen from the tree? He groped around with one hand, feeling for the base of the tree. He touched it, and the firm bark under his hand comforted him.

"Aah," he hissed, sitting up and trying not to move his body more than he had to. His whole body felt strange and dense, and his head was spinning. _I'm so hungry…_ If only his mother was here…she'd bind it up, put soothing herbs on it, give him some milk, sing a low song over him…tears were prickling his eyes.

_Prickling…_

_"Yaaaa!" Inuyasha yelled, bolting upright and grabbing Shippo by the tail. "Kuso!" he swore. Shippo guiltily hid the stick he'd been poking Inuyasha with behind his back._

_"Heyyy," he said, "put me down! Geez! Kagome told me to wake you up for breakfast, baka!"_

_"Feh! You call _me _a baka! You're just a whiny youkai raccoon!"_

_"I'm a fox! Put me down! Kagomeeeee!"_

_"Inuyasha!" She stood at the bottom of the tree, glaring at him. "come down. I've got breakfast and Miroku and Sango have already eaten!"_

_"Geez, I'm coming!" Inuyasha yelled, frustrated. He'd been in the middle of such an interesting dream…but he couldn't remember what it was…_

He must have fallen asleep again. Something was tickling the back of his neck. "Yaa…" he squeaked. He would've yelled it, but his throat was so sore.

"Hey," said a voice. Inuyasha tensed up at once, eyes shut tight, bracing himself for some kind of punch or kick or bite. Or taunt.

But instead a small girl's voice said, "Hey, are you all right? Are you from around here? Do you want to see a healer? What's your name?"

"_Nani_?"

"I'm Tomo. Why are you all bloody? Where are your parents? Do you live around here? Wait, did I already ask you that?"

It was overwhelming, to go from no one talking to you to someone firing curious question after question.

"Eh, uh, no, I'm not from around here. I'm…I'm," he croaked. But he didn't want to say his name.

"You're…? You're?" she repeated.

"I'm Inuyasha," he said, and for the first time looked at her. He was on the ground, and she was crouched beside him, with black hair in two buns and a young, innocent-looking face peering into his. Behind her, early morning sunshine broke smilingly through the canopy of trees. It hurt his eyes.

"What a strange name!" she cried. "Well come on. I'm not supposed to be out this far from the village anyway. Besides my mom is a healer, she can tend you. Where did you say you were from? Where are your parents again? What happened to you. Wait, I already asked that. But you never answered, HA!" she exclaiming, grinning, and helped him up. Slowly, tentatively, Inuyasha smiled back. It felt strange to use smiling-muscles after so long.

"So…eh…Tomo," he said, as she pulled him along by his hand. "Eh, could you slow down?"

She looked back at him, and cried out, "Oh! You're bleeding!" Inuyasha put his free hand to the wound and looked at his blood. It looked the same as a human's blood, he knew, the same red liquid as anyone else's.

Hey…come to think of it… "Why aren't you running away from me?" he demanded.

"Oh, I see blood all the time. I once watched my oka-san sew somebody back up once!" she said proudly.

Inuyasha gaped.

"Neh, no problem," she said. "She'll–"

Inuyasha's nose twitched. "What's that smell?"

It smelled somehow familiar and tinged with blood. "Is that me?"

No, it was different. His nose slowly began recognizing the tangy quality of the scent…

"A youkai!" he cried, just as a ten-foot snake shot from the trees.

Then he saw it, a brown shape moving along the forest floor.

"A youkai!" he cried, just as a ten-foot snake demon shot from the trees.

"I sssssmell blood!" it hissed wildly. "Blood on the air!"

"Waaaa!" cried Tomo, her face terror-stricken, diving to the ground as the snake shot over her head.

Inuyasha stared for a moment. "A youkai!"

"EEEE! Help me!" wailed Tomo. "Oka-san!"

Inuyasha's heart was pounding in his head but he couldn't move. "Wha—wha—"

The sudden scent of blood came to him, a blood that he could smell was not his own. "Feh!" he shouted, leaping forward. "Tomo!" The snake was circling for a second attack and the little girl was unconscious.

"Heh, the poison is fast," hissed the youkai. It glanced at Inuyasha was narrowed eyes. "Wait…that blood-smell…it was coming from you! But I smelled human blood…and you are hanyou…" It seemed positively confused.

"There was human blood last night here…"

"Heh! I may be…a…a…_hanyou_…but I'm no _human!_" Inuyasha cried, eyes blazing. "Tomo did nothing to you!"

He stared at the girl on the forest floor a moment. Her face was slack, but even in unconsciousness, tears trickled from her eyes. It brought back memories of that night, when his mother had lain so still like this.

_A memory within a memory…_

•She had lain there, teeth gritted, trembling, eyes teary. She had reached up to touch him face. "Oka-san…Oka-san!"

"Go, Inuyasha," she murmured. "There is no great ota-san this time to take care of you…" A tear slid down her face, bright as the stars in the night sky overhead. "I can hear _them_ coming. Oh my little one—_what is to become of you!_"

The cry echoed out into the night. Demons paused in their killing, frozen at the pure sound of a mother's distress; owls paused in their mice-hunting, the world seemed to stop turning in sympathy. And there was silence. Only the crackling of flames answered the cry.

Her breath came back, ragged, as the slaughter resumed. "Remember, my Inuyasha, that you are the son of a great man– Inutaisho– Myoga-jichan will tell you…" She coughed up blood– "I love you, my only. There is only one like you…"

She slipped out of the world as Inuyasha's trembling mouth said, "Oka-san? I love you, oka– _OKA-SAN!_" Numb, in shock, he'd stumbled away from the body, tears rising behind his eyes…and as a demon had swooped over, cackling, he'd run away into the forest, sparing only a brief glance at the body of his mother, and the villagers behind…•

_Inuyasha suddenly pulled up short. Kagome saw the expression on his face. "Inuyasha? Inuyasha!"_

_Inuyasha's eyes slowly regained focus. "What are you yelling for?" he snapped._

_"You looked really distant…"_

_He looked at the ground, then back at Kagome's face. "I…I'm remembering things…" he said softly, hesitantly, and she put an arm out to touch his sleeve. He flashed her a quick look, then pulled away. She let him go. His eyes were already glazed again, and he was looking into himself._

Inuyasha's lips trembled at the memory. A thundering rage was building behind his chest… The snake was eyeing him warily. "Hunh. A half-demon," it muttered, glaring at him. "I'd thought only two humans…but…well, it seems to be harmless. Perhaps a follow-up meal, neh?"

The taunting words of the rooster-youkai came floating to him. _Pleasure of meeting her…or should I say eating her…_

"Join him in hell!" snapped Inuyasha, ignoring the protest his body made at his movements. He sprang forward, images blurring in his head…dead, the dying …"SANKON TESSOU!"

It burst from behind his lips, explosive, unbidden, a cry that roared out from his chest like an arrow fired into the sky.

The snake fell in two pieces, sizzling, and burned away into dust.

"Keh…that was easy!" Inuyasha exclaimed, startled. He stared at his own claws. They gleamed in the morning sun. "Wow." His breathing slowed, and he crept over to Tomo. "Tomo…Tomo…wake up!" he said, shaking her.

"Nnng," she moaned. Inuyasha hesitantly picked her up. He arranged her on his back, carefully. It felt like he was in a dream. There was someone with him, a warmth pressing on his back…but her warm blood, that was on his back too.

"Hang on, Tomo," he said awkwardly. His shoulder was throbbing and his knees seemed weak. "I'll find your village…"

It took what seemed like hours. He tried using his nose, but the scent of her blood and his own was overwhelming him. At last he found her trail, and sprang along it, trying to run with her. Lucky she was so small and light, he thought grimly. I feel so weak…

His legs gave out in sight of the huts with the wafts of cooking food coming from them. His mouth watered, but his eyesight seemed to be going funny…and then everything was sideways…and then dark.

_They had finally made camp. "Keh," growled Inuyasha, "where can that bastard Naraku be hiding! Kuso! At this rate–"_

"_Inuyasha," came Miroku's calm voice from where he was unrolling his sleeping mat. "We are all just as impatient as you to find our sneaky youkai. But pacing about and not eating won't help anything."_

_Inuyasha's stomach rumbled, as if on cue. "Keh," he said, glaring at it. "It's hard, monk. If I think of how close we've come…how far we are now from that betraying bastard…"_

_Miroku smiled. "Yes, it's hard. But we all have each other, don't we? It's not like we're alone in this. Naraku can't run from all of us forever. You know we are gaining on him, bit by bit."_

_Inuyasha nodded slowly. "We're not alone in this…" he repeated. Then he shook himself. "When Sango and Kagome get back from their bath tell them not to bother me," he snorted. "I'll be keeping watch up in a tree, or something. Just tell them not to bug me, Ok?"_

"_Hai. But get some sleep. I'll be ready to waken at danger."_

"_Heh." Inuyasha turned and sprang into a tree. He settled himself down. "Humans. They trust too much in their inferior senses." He lay back, and gave himself to thinking. _The only chance I got to do some serious thinking is when Kagome ain't here, _ he thought half-jokingly to himself. Ah…but I don't really miss thinking._

Inuyasha awoke someplace warm, with the giddy remembrance of Tomo. It was so strange, to think of that little girl. A warm, soft feeling went through his chest at the thought of her. She was so nice…but his feelings were confusing. All he could think of was that she had touched him, had been concerned, talked to him, started to lead him to her home–

That's right! She'd been attacked! Where was she now? He panicked, afraid to have lost what he'd only just found. His eyes flew open.

He was in a house, lying on a pallet of straw. He felt cozy and safe for the first time in…in… he couldn't remember how long it had been. But he could feel the warmth of a fire nearby, and his shoulder barely ached at all. A bubbly feeling was rising in his chest…like wanting to laugh and cry at once.

"Awake, are you?" Inuyasha sat bolt upright.

"Shh, shh, it's just me. I'm Yamamoto Koharu. Rest. You're still weak. I don't care that your strange wounds heal twice as fast as Tomo's, _hanyou_, you still need to lie still."

An icy wave swept over him. "H-hanyou?" He blanched and down. His hands were clenching the blankets so tightly that he had just made eight rather claw-sized holes in it with some of his fingers.

"Don't worry, hanyou." It was the first time that name had ever been used in this soothing tone. "Tomo told me what you did for her. I can give you shelter until you heal."

Inuyasha turned a startled glance on her– and found himself face to face with the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Her deep maple-syrup eyes glinted with someday-to-be-fully-realized wisdom, but her face was smooth and young and sweet. He gulped. Only one other mortal had ever had a face such as this, and she was dead now…

"Mother…"he gulped.

"Speaking of which," she continued as though he wasn't staring at her with the haunted yet longing look in his eyes. "Where are your parents? Your human parent?"

He forced himself to look away. "Dead. She's dead."

"I'm so sorry. How? Surely your father would protect her." Inuyasha felt perhaps the woman had more in common with Tomo than he'd thought. Her voice was alive with curiosity, rather than sensitivity. She seemed to realize this. "_Gomen_. But I've never met or seen a hanyou of tai-youkai birth, or any hanyou at all… only heard about them."

"S'ok." He swallowed. "I think my ota-san is dead…many years ago…and my oka-san was killed in a demon raid on the village by the Shinano River…it was called Shinrin, I think…"

She paled in shock. "You poor dear! I heard of that. That was over thirty-six moon-rises ago!"

Inuyasha stiffened. Over three years ago! How!

But he couldn't care about that for the moment. "How did you know I'm a hanyou?" he blurted.

She laughed, a little unkindly. "It's plain as the sun in the sky, hanyou-chan. Your claws…fangs, ears…really, you stand out quite a bit." Inuyasha bit his lip. "The other villagers were against bringing you in at all."

A gnawing feeling was in his chest now. It was the sore, irritated place where who-knows-how-many years of in-held tears sloshed saltily against him.

"But I insisted. I am the healer…but I don't know how long you may stay. I must go now and attend to my duties…sleep."

She touched his forehead, and he sank back onto the pallet and shut his eyes. But he didn't sleep.

He stared at the roof of the hut, where smoke was escaping through a chimney. His mind was an utter blank, and only swirling confused images fluttered through. Then­–

"You're awake!" beamed Tomo. She had burst in and now rushed to his side. "Oh, you're awake. Are you feeling better? Did the snake bite you? The snake bit me but Oka-san, you just saw her, her name's Koharu, she healed me with herbs. Well the other villagers didn't want you and I don't know why." Her face reflected puzzlement for a brief moment, then filled with a smile. "Did _you_ kill that horrible youkai? That's so brave!" she squealed. "You saved my life! Oh yeah…" she put her hands together and knelt on the floor, looking mature and demure. "_Arigato gozaimasu_ for saving my life," she murmured, eyes downcast. "I owe you my life now." She looked up eagerly. "Do you accept my thanks? You do, right? Wow, you killed that youkai. That's just amazing."

Inuyasha felt distant. "It's…amazing…to kill youkai," he said blankly.

"Well of course! They eat people. You know, all monsters, all of them, with fangs and other yurky things. And poison. Some of them. Like the snake. Mommy told me I had a high fever cause of it. And–"

Inuyasha cut her off. "So…to kill youkai is a good thing. Because they kill _ningen_, people?" _I'm a hanyou. What does that mean? Does that means it's _good _to _kill_ me? What does "hanyou" really _mean He thought of the last two demons he'd encountered, and how he'd ended their lives.

But where demons were demons, humans were…human. _Humans aren't perfect– but they aren't made for killing. Yeah._ He suddenly felt relieved. He smiled at Tomo. "I think I'm gonna sleep now. I'll see you later. _Ja ne_."

She wilted comically. "Oh. Okay. Well have a good sleep," she said, and tiptoed out of the hut, letting the bamboo flap swing shut behind her.

_She doesn't realize I'm not ningen_, he thought, startled. Was the girl stupid? No, no, just naïve. She doesn't know I'm different, he thought, and basked in the glow of that thought until he fell into a light sleep.

In his dreams, where thoughts swirled unchecked, shadows held hungry demons, and he was lost in darkness. He tossed around in his head the thoughts of looking so different…of how three years had passed without him feeling that more than some seasons had gone by…or how this new woman was so kind, like Tomo, like oka-san. He treasured the feeling of kindness in his heart, like water dribbled on a water-starved plant. He held it inside him, clinging desperately.

He woke and devoured some jerky laid out for him on the mat. He didn't want to return to that shadowy land inside his sleeping mind…but his eyes couldn't help closing…

Instead of sleep, wonderings claimed him. As his consciousness slowly faded, he found himself thinking about that weird cry: _sankon tessou_. Where had that come from? It had just burst out of him, like blood bursts from a sudden slash of a knife. And the snake had been completely beaten by that cry and a raking of claws. Easy. The same thing had worked on that big ugly trapper demon, Otoshiana, come to think of it…what _is_ that? Whatever it was, it filled him with power.

He dreamed dreams of golden light and powerful slashes with his claws, tearing demons like paper, and he smiled in his sleep._ Take apart Otoshiana, rip him! Rip him, "SANKON TESS-"_

_Something touched me!_

Inuyasha's claws sliced out in a faintly golden-lit arc, and he leapt up, panicked, mouth half-way through the battle cry "TESSOU!". Where are the demons? Where are the demons? They got me?

But his calm returned as he realized it had been a dream…

No.

No.

No…

Blood was on his claws…

Kami, no…

And his gold-brown eyes found that a little girl that he'd never seen before in his life was sitting on the floor, in shock at having her hand suddenly ripped away from her body when only a moment before she was using it to touch the strange boy lying asleep.

Inuyasha's eyes widened into horrified orbs.

His thumping heart was choking him…

B-dm. B-dm, it said in his ears. B-dm. B-DM. B-DM BD BDMBDMBDM–

"AIIIIIIIIIIII!" wailed the girl. Her eyes were round with the sudden pain. Enormous tears began to flood from her eyes. The sound sloshed on his eardrums.

Inuyasha was frozen. He couldn't move. His ears twitched as the sounds of feet and voices approached the hut. In the faint background he heard, "What's that noise?" "Did Miyo-chan go inside there?" "Is that Miyo-chan making that horrible noise? Go see what's the matter now." "Tomo was supposed to be watching her! That naughty girl."

But now the little girl's sobs had turned into full-blown screams of pain as her hand swung on a few scraps of sinew. She stared at it, to Inuyasha, to it again, to his claws…screaming…screaming…

A weight heavier than the whole world dropped into Inuyasha's stomach. His nerves were being sliced apart one by one with a sharp axe…the screaming… The tears, her tears cut him… He had hurt her!

"No!" he shouted, but no one could hear it but him.


	6. Flee, Hanyou

Woops, that was a Long Chapter. Again. Sorry. THANK YOU REVIEWERS! YOU MAKE MY LIFE MUY BIEN! Ah… I love you all for coming back especially. Okay, this chapter also has major revisions. This time they ARE major, seeing as this was the offending chapter. Bad chapter! spanks Oh now I feel bad. Poor chapter. Here's some pocky.

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha's dog collar says "Property of Takahashi" on it. K?**

I fixed the names because they were confusing people to have them all start with M. That was me when I didn't know any Japanese names. :-o

• • •

CHAPTER 6

_I hurt her. Like a demon._

"Oh mi god! Listen! She must have cut herself on Koharu-san's surgery tools!" came a woman's voice.

"No, wait! _No!_ Don't you _remember_…she brought that hanyou­– the _creature is in there!_"

There were gasps from outside. Four women came bursting into the hut.

They stared. They took in the sight for two endless seconds.

"MY BABY!" screamed a woman. "MY GOD, MY BABY!"

She gathered the little girl into her arms. The child fainted.

"OMIGOD ITS DEAD! KAMI ABOVE MY CHILD IS DEAD!"

"No, it's just faint­ed–"

"DEAD! He killed Miyo, my Miyo-chan!" the mother shrieked hysterically, pointing at Inuyasha with a shaking hand. Tears splashed from the mother's eyes as she cradled the child. Blood was staining both humans' kimonos.

That mother, with her injured child…

Inuyasha could take it no more. He leaned back his head and howled, a pure cry of distress. Did the Inuyasha of back-then suddenly what decades of loss and isolation his future would hold? Did he realize that he had crossed a line, and could never come back? Did he realize that the delicate fates had tipped their scales against him?

He didn't realize. But it was as though he did… The howl did. It mourned, it cried, it rang throughout the whole village…bringing every human soul running to the healer's hut.

Trapped! _I'm trapped!_

Inuyasha panicked. The women's screams brought men with their axes from chopping wood, and some grabbed pitchforks that leaned on barns, and a few grabbed bows and quivers of arrows.

Standing all around now were men, looking astonished and frightened, holding tools in their hands. A few women behind them peered between their shoulders, and gasped at the sight.

"It maimed my child!" sobbed the woman, rocking Miyo in her arms.

"My firstborn!" yelped a young man. "My firstborn and only child!" His gaze hardened. "Kill the demon!"

_They want to kill me._

Tomo's voice came back to him. _All monsters, all of them…_

Youkai souls are formless. They are simply empty monsters. But humans, humans have souls, and humans are sacred to all things good. _Yes, _he thought. _And it's good to kill youkai. But _I'm_ not a youkai!_

A pitchfork was suddenly zooming towards his head. He leapt aside, almost in a daze.

"Someone get Koharu-sama!" shouted an older man, who was stabbing out at Inuyasha with his pitchfork. "She has demon-exorcism powder! Ginto, get her now!"

A man raced off, dashing between the huts, calling "Koharu-sama! Koharu-sama!"

Inuyasha was all at once standing in the middle of a large, hostile, armed ring. He looked at the grim faces around him. None looked very afraid, though only the little girl's father seemed to be eager to drive his hatchet deep into Inuyasha's body.

_They're not afraid of me. _

_I can explain! _he wanted to shout. _I can explain!_

But would they listen to him? Would they? Why would anyone listen? "Wait! I can–"

A scythe swept down where his head had been a moment before.

"Stop!" Inuyasha shouted. They did, for a moment. Looking at him, they tensed, sharing nervous glances. "It looks like a young boy to me," grunted a middle-aged man with a shepherd's staff in his hand.

"Fool!" cried the father of Miyo-chan. "Are your eyes but stones in your head? Look at those fangs, claws, his ears! You old _jiji_! That thing is a demon!"

"No demon," said a strong, emphatic voice. Koharu-sama had appeared, her red and white kimono blowing in the abrupt wind. She gazed at Inuyasha, and turned her gaze to the bloody child and mother. "Miyo-chan," whispered Koharu, eyes widening. Her eyes darted from the torn hand of the little girl to Inuyasha's claws.

Bloodstained.

"You…" she whispered.

"No," Inuyasha tried to say. "No, it's not what you think…"

"You…you _demon!_" she cried. Her eyes were wide, horrified.

"No–"

Out of her white haori-top's pocket came a small glass bottle of white powder.

Inuyasha recognized that powder…_Buru's father gave it to him…good against demons._

"You–" he snarled.

"Demon, begone!" she cried, tears in her eyes; she smacked him with the powder.

His chest wound began to bubble as the powder hit it. His head went light, his senses swam…

"Ar- Arigato gozaimasu, Koharu-sama!" panted a man.

"Keh!" snorted Inuyasha. He struggled with all his might against the powder, powder he'd come only briefly in contact with once before, long ago… "I'm too strong for you!" he snarled. Adrenaline coursed through him, and the wound on his chest was only a dull sting. "Keep away from me– or I'll do that–" he pointed to Miyo, who was still crying weakly. Inuyasha's own knees were shaking, but he hid that as well as he could.

_Scare them….keep them at a distance…_

"He's a hanyou," cried Koharu, eyes blazing. "There! Your secret is known, hanyou! He's not true demon. He can be killed!" She gritted her teeth, and her eyes hardened. "No demon," she repeated, and her voice was as cold as the blade of a sword, "but a _hanyou_!"

There were muted gasps from the men, and a few women shuddered and made the sign against evil.

Inuyasha slowly looked up to meet Koharu's eyes. They were blazing, both with pity and with anger. "You, half-breed. You have harmed a human. You must never return here."

"An accident," he cried, finding his voice at last. "I didn't mean­–"

"You have transgressed a barrier–" she said, controlling her temper, but Miyo-chan's father burst in.

"It's in the nature of all things with demon blood to kill," he roared. "Half the blood that flows in that thing is pure demon! We must kill it! Now that it has known blood, it will return to claim more!"

Instantly the air changed: men gripped their weapons more firmly, subtly shifting to protect the women and the sobbing mother and daughter. The young man stepped firmly between Inuyasha and his bloodied wife.

A man spat. "A _hanyou_, eh?" he said. Revulsion crawled over his features. Women shuddered again, and many exchanged unreadable looks.

The healer Koharu looked calmer now. She said softly, "Flee, hanyou. Or there will be no tomorrow." She stepped forward to take the arm of the crying mother and her whimpering, unconscious Miyo. She led them gently but quickly away, and the men let them go.

There would be no help this time. Not from Sesshomaru, or from Koharu, or from Oka-san. No help. _I can do it. I did it with Otoshiana, right?_ But this wasn't the same. They were _humans._ He couldn't, just _couldn't_, slice them apart and be done with it. These weren't demons. Only humans, human humans.

When the men turned back to Inuyasha, their faces were harder than stone. "You women, leave now," ordered a gruff farmer, hoe still in hand. "Leave so that the men may take care of this matter. Go!" They scattered.

Before long, the dirt wayside was empty but for Inuyasha and twenty men.

Their strength of numbers would be his end.

_I can't let them–_

They sprang for him.

He dodged this way, twisting to avoid the deadly prongs of a pitchfork, leaping over the swish of a blade, trying to find a way out of the mass of human bodies. He couldn't get out! Couldn't get to freedom, freedom, where was the sky? All he could see were humans and their weapons.

Things became a blur. First one pitchfork, then a knife, found his flesh. Blur, blur, blur. He could hardly think. The dust was choking him. The sound was hurting his ears. And a stinging wound, blood on the front of his haori. Old wounds opened, and Inuyasha felt himself getting weaker. _No!_ he cried inside. Run run run run! His brain screamed. They were _in the way!_

He launched himself at a part of the wall of men surrounding him, and knocked solidly into their bodies. They fell back, yelling. _I've got to scare them! Scare them away from me!_

"See these?" he shouted, extending his claws. "Get away from me if you know what's good for you! I can do to you what I did to that girl!"

He stood tall and bared his fangs. The men uttered muted gasps.

"You see this?" shouted the girl's father. "Didn't I tell you? His true self's come out now, you weak-minded old fools! _Didn't I tell you?"_

"You were right, Chouno-san. Look at that! Vicious!" said another man, almost sounding awed.

They weren't scared enough!

_If only I was stronger, I could blast my way out of here!_

A man ran up with some rusty old spears and swords. "Look what I found!" he shouted excitedly. "Look!"

"Come, take one!" cried the weapons-bringer. "We can do it! It's small and only a _hanyou_ after all."

Inuyasha leapt at the speaker, his brain somewhere far away. _Maybe if I…_

His claws carefully clamped around the man's throat and sent them both crashing to the ground.

"Help...me!" gasped the man beneath Inuyasha. Inuyasha squeezed harder, and the man fell silent. There was a stunned moment while the villagers assessed the new situation.

Bad move, Inuyasha, he thought grimly as the men, with renewed purpose, began furiously running forward towards him, spears and swords in hand this time.

"Don't come closer! If you want this human to live!" he shouted desperately. He flexed his shining claws on the other hand. He still felt dazed from that powder…

His attackers came to a halt. _Stalemate! Yes!_

Something whipped across his face, burning him. Small white grains flew into the opened cuts on his body, and he screamed, letting go of the man's throat.

"Ah, Koharu-sama! _Arigato gozaimasu!_" the released man panted, and welcoming voices greeted Koharu as she for the third time pelted Inuyasha with the stinging white powder. There was fire in her eyes.

"I cannot allow you to harm the villagers in my care!" She suddenly had put the powder away and was holding a bow, an arrow nocked and drawn. Inuyasha felt as though he couldn't move…he couldn't really breathe…She was pointing an arrow at him.

She had thrown that powder at him, again. She _was_ no different than those boys from long ago, in another life. She hated him…he was a hanyou.

Buru's mocking face swam in front of him, challenging.

"Feh!" he shouted, fighting the waves of dizziness. "I told you­– I'm too strong for weak youkai powder like _that!_"

He struggled to his feet, and leapt away as best he could.

_Thwunk._ An arrow in his left shoulder…

_Thwunk! Piercing his chest, driving him backwards, pinning him to a tree. A fierce pain in his heart, physical and spiritual. Kikyo! Kikyo had shot him!_

_Inuyasha's eyes flew open. His breathing was ragged and panting. He clutched at his chest. An arrow? Was there an arrow there?_

_No. It was a dream. Only a dream. "Kikyo…" he whispered._

_He shut his eyes tightly, willing it all to go away._

_Shot. Killed, _hated_ by the first one he'd ever loved besides oka-san. He'd loved Kikyo. _I loved her! _His heart wailed. _She hated me, she killed me!… Damn Naraku to fucking hell_! His nails dug into his skin. Damn him…_

Inuyasha somehow fought his way past the sword-wielding farmers, away from the blazing-eyed Koharu. There was an arrow in his shoulder, but the pain of that was no greater than anything else.

He fought wildly against all the weapons, but again and again felt a stabbing pain when his movements grew too slow.

_If I were stronger, I could just punch them outta the damn way without wounding them_. _If I were stronger…or a real demon…this fight wouldn't be happening at all…_

Abruptly he realized there were no opponents around him anymore. A hazy shadow of men lay behind him, yelling, waving shining metal in the air– but the way was clear. Free!

As he fled, Koharu's shout came to his ears. "Flee, hanyou! Never return– or we'll kill you!"

Then he was away, and running…running, always running…

His legs were moving faster then he thought possible. A riverside…a grassy bank… a mile away, gulping water, and wishing with all his wounded heart that he could cry, was Inuyasha. If only he had an oka-san to run to.

No more.

No more.

And alone.

CHAPTER BREAK 

Hey, guys. Thank you SO much reviewers! You make me feel good…thanks Nasedo, Wolfblitz, suga craZie for reviewing chapter 6 already! And jacalac who is my sister. Yeah.

Okay well for this chapter I just want to say, I want to have more of present-day Inuyasha in it. There's gonna be a lot of _italics_. By the way you all can see the _italics_ right? They are muy importante.


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